waffle

(See: “Research In Motion Names Thorsten Heins President and CEO“)

• Board Acts on Recommendation of Co-CEOs to Implement Succession Plan
• Mike Lazaridis Named Vice Chair of the Board
• Jim Balsillie Remains a Director
• Barbara Stymiest Named Independent Board Chair
• Prem Watsa Named Independent Director

RIM Rearranges Deck Chairs on the Titanic.

The Board of Directors of BlackBerry® maker Research In Motion (RIM) (NASDAQ: RIMM; TSX: RIM) today announced that, acting on the recommendation of its Co-Chief Executive Officers to implement the succession plan they previously submitted to the Board, it has unanimously named Thorsten Heins as President and Chief Executive Officer. Mr. Heins was also appointed to RIM’s Board. The Board acted after conducting its own due diligence. Both appointments are effective immediately.

The Board of Directors of Research In Motion tossed out its two Co-CEOs after years of declining performance and wants you to know that they were tossed out far and swiftly.

Mike Lazaridis, former Co-Chair and Co-CEO, has become Vice Chair of RIM’s Board and Chair of the Board’s new Innovation Committee.

On second thought, former Co-CEO Mike Lazaridis is a man of sauve sophistication.

Mr. Lazaridis is a staunch believer in the applicability of redundancy beyond just technical apparatus. Mr. Lazaridis also places strong value in committees being the source of innovations, given the number of redundant letters their name entails.

Mr. Lazaridis said that he decided to move from Co-Chair to Vice Chair of the Board in order to return the public’s focus to what is most important: “the great company we have built, its iconic products, global brand and its talented employees.”

Mr. Lazaridis said that thanks to him, there’s nowhere to go but up.

Mr. Heins said he believes that RIM has tremendous potential.

Mr. Heins is as high as a kite.

[Mr. Heins] continued, “RIM earned its reputation by focusing relentlessly on the customer and delivering unique mobile communications solutions. We intend to build on this heritage to expand BlackBerry’s leadership position.”

Mr. Heins intends to build on BlackBerry’s unique mobile communications solution of providing a redundant layering of email servers, accidentally effectively taking down the mail systems of customers worldwide, as well as intentionally exposing access to sensitive information to sundry regimes.

“No one else is doing this,” Mr. Heins added, incredulously.

“Going forward, we will continue to focus both on short-term and long-term growth, strategic planning, a customer- and market-based product approach, and flawless execution. We are in the process of recruiting a new Chief Marketing Officer to work closely with our product and sales teams to deliver the most compelling products and services.”

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