Five Years Later

Today, I stumbled upon this - one of the very first Daring Fireball entries - iPhony, decrying a theoretical “Apple iPhone” product - to be built with OS X inside it, offering excellent control and syncing over your address book, internet browsing and maps and driving directions - as totally implausible. Five years, man. Five years.

Gruber wasn’t wrong at the time. A lot of stuff has happened in five years. Right about now it’s only been three years since the iPhone project even got started. One of the things you might have noticed was that Sherlock was, if you’ll forgive the pun, in the spotlight of the article. Prior to about 2003, Apple keynotes went like this: “Mac, Mac, Mac, Internet Explorer, Mac, Mac OS X, Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock, iMac, Sherlock”. Sherlock was a really big deal, and now it’s almost completely gone. (Sources tell me even that ‘almost’ is up for discussion.) It’s noticeably easier to get excited about playing music and editing photos and video than being able to search for stuff online, though.

The Waffle Scale of Mobile Phone Cluelessness

This has been bugging me for years.

I watched a documentary a few weeks ago. The documentary was about the birth of the mobile telecommunications. It correctly attributed the birth of one of the earliest networks as such as MTS, a US technology, developed by Bell. It went downhill from there. From the 40s into the 50s into the 60s into the 70s into the 80s and 90s.

The only companies you’d see interviewed above single lines were AT&T and Motorola. The revolutionary NMT system was skipped over as an aside in two sentences. There were about 40 seconds in the entire documentary about how japanese phones were different - not better, just different - than US phones.

I’d like to introduce the Waffle Scale of Mobile Phone Cluelessness to explain this phenomenon. You see, Asia - Japan and South Korea in particular - has the most clue of all. Then comes Europe - Scandinavia, the UK, Germany and France in particular. Rank bottom come the US. Sometimes, the places shuffle a small bit, but no more than temporarily.

Asia has always been at the leading edge, getting flip mobile phones with color displays into everyone’s hands at a time when we the rest of us were cheering for another one-bit line in our screen, and providing internet services (or something resembling them) ahead of WAP. Europe has had a bunch of good manufacturers (Nokia, Sony Ericsson, Siemens), a hand in the defining standards (like NMT, or the same GSM standard that introduced SMS, the standard behind ‘texting’) and above all healthy competition when it comes to network operators.

The US, however… I’m not sure I can say this nicely. In a country divided into 50 states, you decided to not go for operator coverage across the entire country or across the entire state, but in distinct cities. Your only mobile phone manufacturer worth mentioning is Motorola, a two-hit pony (StarTAC and Razr) with a history of distinctly useless phones.

This is not anti-americanism. I am not anti-american (though I’m scared at times at how isolated some of you are). No, there’s an important lesson to learn: mobile phones have failed in the US until just recently. You’re still miles after the rest of the world on most planes. Motorola is not all that and a bag of chips.

This is how I dare feel confident in laughing my ass off at some people’s startling lack of mobile phone industry suave - like the 900 analysts (armchair and regular asshole flavor) telling me $500 is too much for a smartphone. $500 may be a lot in the american market due to the insane bonding between operators and phones - which, don’t get me wrong, the rest of the world gets too, but sees as completely obnoxious even in smaller doses - that stops people from getting what they want. But while the big country in the west was having fun just discovering SMS, the rest of the world was selling smartphones - and higher-end regular mobile phones, I might add - for fees approaching $1000 to people who were already having sensible contracts. And they sold.

In fact, people who don’t bind their mobile phones up to contracts still buy their phones separately. If anything, $500 is where it starts for smartphones. The by far best selling mobile phone (and in my opinion one of the genuinely best phones ever) a few years back was Sony Ericsson’s brilliant T610. In Sweden, it sold for around $400, and it was worth it, and everyone knew that.

(I am sure this whole post will earn me the ire of a few rabid US nationalists - as if I was pointing out that if you name your national league of a sport the “world series” of something, you’re an asshole - but so be it. I am not trying to poke my US readers in the eyes, just describe how the world looks. If you’re upset, please untie the stars and stripes from your chest, sit down and assess reality for a second.)

The Other Half of The First Thousand

This post, in the depths of waffle’s WordPress-powered database guts, has primary key and ID 501.

This number is significant for two reasons: it is the default UNIX account number given to the first user in Mac OS X. (If that sounded like gibberish you may enjoy this site even less than its intended clientele.) The other reason it’s significant is because it’s precisely 500 posts away from the very first post.

waffle has not yet clocked 500 actual posts. Countless drafts are in there, the WordPress blank-slate “this is your first post” post is in there, and so on. But because I’m a sucker for celebration, I’ve updated the look a bit. The header is now blue again, as it was two years back when the text also had reflection - before it was cool and hip and Web 2.0 and totally fucking overused, could everyone please stop using reflections please? - and the Google ads are a bit less in your face at the very bottom instead of in the top right corner.

So - here’s to at least 500 more logged entries in the database, all of them filled with dumb jokes, inane puns, groundless speculation, hopeless jeering and, maybe most of all, self-deprecation. And if you happen to want to tag along for the ride, neat.

Mac Meanie

MacSlash, among other sites, look at how the Mac mini is poised to go the way of the Apple Desktop Bus really soon. The Mac mini was doomed once it went above $499.

You know… the iMac is due for an update, and the Mac mini is cursed more than ever by using laptop parts - you get a seriously small and slow hard drive for that kind of buck. My guess has two parts:

  • A new iMac, moving up the scale further.
  • An ‘xMac’ - the mythical reasonably expansive headless Mac. The missing link between the Cube and Mac mini for less than $1000.

Alternatively, the iMac may move down the scale and play both roles. It’s all good.

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