Apple Computer is expected to introduce iTunes 4.9.9.9.7.34 sometime next week together with a bundle of new revolutionary iPods. The iPods are said to incorporate a miniature satellite with support for WiMax, 802.11 (a, b and g standards), Bluetooth 2.0+EDR, wireless USB, RFID and Radio Luxembourg over AM, and a new updated version of the trademark white earbuds giving its listener mind-reading capabilities, x-ray vision and superhuman strength when used with an iPod in the new iPod superhuman Dock (sold separately for $4,999). Also included, reportedly, is a four-dimensional clickwheel, and support for every possible media format ever (including 8-track tapes) except for the WMA, RealAudio and OGG Vorbis formats and content bought from other online music stores than Apple’s own iTunes Music Store. Notably absent is video playback support.
iTunes 4.9.9.9.7.34 will focus heavily on “frogcasting”, a new technology pioneered by Apple. Steve Jobs recently said in an interview: “Our customers, and our partners frogdesign, have been telling us by ways of the iTunes feedback page that they want frogcasting - a way to broadcast frogs over the internet. There was a little glitch in alpha testing earlier this year where we ended up making dozens of toads explode of their own willing, but it turns out people blamed it on crows snatching their livers. Hey, whatever gets us out of trouble with those damn environmentalists.” According to Jobs, other features have been requested via the feedback page. “There’s been a lot of requests for Texas Hold’Em, Cialis and L0wer Mortg4ge r8s. We’re looking into it.” When asked about Apple’s position on the use of toads in frogcasting, Jobs enigmatically replied “I’m going to have to leave that answer to our actions in the future.”
Simultaneously with the release of iTunes 4.9.9.9.7.34 and the new iPods, a new trade-in program will be formally introduced to worldwide non-Apple Stores to complement the existing one for Apple Stores. The trade-in program, detailed on Apple’s website, is described as a two-step process with the customers first trading in their old iPods and the cashier keeping the iPod, refuting claims for discounts and bonuses by exclaiming “Bite me” and further quabbling. Sources note that the program has been in use in most applicable stores for months already.
We tried to reach Apple for an answer to the question “Will there ever be an iTunes 5?” and the company returned our inquiry with an official statement wherein it notes that “for Pete’s sake, we’re only one company!” and then goes on to enumerate a great deal of unfavorable comments.